Oh my God, he's alive! Hello, everyone. It's been some time but i have returned for, at least, one more post. Who knows, maybe i'll rekindle my love affair with lj, after this! It's been a wild year, since my birthday. I ended up getting back together with Hannah, shortly after my birthday, which is what most of this post will encompass. Not the relationship, itself, but more the relevations i gained from it. Some other things of note: Ryan (my bestfriend) moved out with his girlfriend, Megan. It was kind of a dirty split between the two of us. He wanted me to come with him but the prospect of living with Megan was too bleak, in my eyes. Diddy stayed with me. Him and Megan have never really seen eye to eye, either. I felt betrayed, in all honesty. He's practically been my brother for the past few years. It cut me deeply and i didn't really come to terms with it, until recently. We still hang out a lot. I know he misses me, too. (we had a drunken heart-to-heart a couple of weeks ago) Second on the agenda... One of my oldest friends checked himself into a psych ward for a month, this summer. He's been my rock for the past 10 years, so it sent me into a world of distress to see him locked up. Not to mention, of all my friends, he was the one i would have least suspected to breakdown. He's the kind of guy every mother wants their son to be and every father wants their daughter to date. A real class act. I guess that was probably my first conception of mortality. I visited him a couple of times, every week, until he got out. Seeing him all broken like that was such a jolt. It was like.... [i]if it can happen to him, it can happen to anyone[i/]... and i realized how right i was, later. He's doing fine, now, though. He's a bit withdrawn but he's on his feet and still progressing, like the soldier he is. Next... my pops died. I know, you'd think that was the worst but it actually isn't. I never really knew him. I haven't even seen him since i was 2 years old. I talked to him on the phone every couple of years up until i was 18, and not once, since. I resented him... maybe even hated him a bit. So i was quite surprised to feel tears running down my face when i got the news. Not tears of sadness over his death... but tears of sadness for myself. Throughout my life i always dreamed that one day i would show him the man i had become and that he would regret having no part in my success. I guess it never occurred to me that he might pass before i had that opportunity. Another brush with mortality, i guess. But still oblivious. Last of all... Hannah. I never should have gotten back with her, i know. I tried to just go in casually but ended up neck deep. Pretty soon we were dating again, in everything but name. In retrospect, the whole thing was wrong. As much chemistry as we had and as much as i loved being with her, it was so wrong. You know that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you know something bad is going to happen? Like when you didn't study for an exam and you're sitting in the desk, skimming through the questions, and nothing looks familiar? I had that feeling every moment she wasn't physically with me. Because i knew deep down, that she would run again. I guess i just believed i could help her mature to the point that she would be ready to contribute to our relationship in a mature, sensible fashion. I guess i believed that if i put everything i had into anything, anything at all, that i would succeed. I was utterly convinced that i was INVINCIBLE when i put my heart and soul into ANYTHING. I was wrong. Zing. Mortality 3, Luc 0. It wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. It didn't matter how hard i tried. I didn't have the power to make it work. I've spent the last month since we broke up trying various futile ideas to accelerate the healing process. I've tried adopting different attitudes or methods of thought to cleanse myself of who i formerly was. I've tried being angry, being sad, being happy, being downright nasty and none of it worked. Now i sit here, serene, finally able to grasp the real lesson in all of this. She didn't want me. That doesn't make me any less of a person. Give yourself as much credit as you like.... you can't make a bowling ball fit into a putting hole. Neither can i. Moreover, it's pointless to believe anything can mend a broken heart but time. I still love her. I can't rationalize it or justify it or even put words to it. As weak, selfish, and pathetic as my mind percieves her to be, i can't make my heart follow suit. It's a sad reality but that's what it is. Reality. On a more positive note, i just started my second year of Computer Engineering and in the first year...

I made the Dean's List! =)

And just because it's been awhile

A somewhat recent photo.

Anyways, for those with the patience to read all of that, thank you for your time <3

P.s. Hannah was jealous of Mer for awhile because she thought i was shagging her. She found all my diss raps and hate songs to Mer and thought she was a former lover or some ish. I thought it was kinda funny, at the time.

Current Mood: Serene
Current Music: Refuge - John Legend

Yes, it is my 21st birthday. Me and my gang went clubbing last night. They took a pic of us and i found it on the website. So for your viewing enjoyment, i present the Capilano Kappaz!



Ryan, my roommate, is top right. Nate Dogg (Nathan) is top middle. Doctor J (Julius) is top left. Diddy, my other roommate, is too my right. And Juice (Nick) is up front. I'm the one in the middle, if you don't know. I'm the leader of the gang so i get priority seating, no big deal.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Switch - Will Smith

It was brisk, cold night, as Ryan and I jogged softly through the ravine. Our breath swirled visibly in front of us as we stopped to rest and review our plan. I only half listened while Ryan reiterated our signals and escape route. My mind was on the impending mission and my role in it. The whole thing was, essentially, my idea. It served more than one purpose and I had made sure that both Diddy and Ryan understood the objectives. Not only to exact my own personal revenge, but to put the Capilano Kappaz on the map. Ryan's accompaniment had been a last minute change. Originally, it had been planned that only I would carry out the mission. I was grateful for his presence, nonetheless. I peered through the trees at the majestical Golden Arches looming above us, once again. I knew that I couldn't waver now. To show any sign of weakness would be compromising the integrity of what I was trying to carry out. We had gone over it meticulously the night before. Diddy had drawn me an intricate blueprint of the target area and helped me develop the perfect spot to strike from.


The shaded area represents the camera trajectory. The plan was to hit the first drive through window with my initial missile and then, during my retreat, throw another one at the front door. I had pondered running around the back way but Diddy had swiftly killed that notion by mentioning how much it would increase the chances of me being recognized, hence the scribbling out. It sounded fool-proof... except for one thing. My only escape route would force me to run across two potentially busy streets! But that was a risk I had to take. Ryan, because of his managerial position at the restaurant, would be forced to lob his eggs from across the street. We trotted to the street together and clasped forearms for a moment in brotherly camaraderie. "One day we will leave this earth, my friend,” he whispered, "but not yet..... not yet." I crossed the street alone, eyes searching for a spot to conceal myself until the opportune time came around. I quickly located an empty bus station less than 20 feet away from Micky D's. I pulled my bright red toque low over my forehead and covered my nose and mouth with my black neck warmer. I then took my position inside and waited patiently. Before too long the path was clear. I slipped an egg into each hand and snuck towards the drive through window. Just before I reached my sniping spot, I looked through the window and saw my ex, Hannah, working inside. An evil smirk twisted my concealed lips, and I stepped forward and loosed the egg in my right hand. It splattered with a satisfying thud against the window. I spun away and ran two steps and loosed my second egg. Just before my egg hit the door, I heard one of Ryan's nail the main window. With that I swiftly ran back towards the street, my heart thumping wildly. Just my luck! The light had turned green and cars were racing back and forth. With no time for hesitation, I bolted across the road, horns honking and lights flashing everywhere. Somehow, I made it to the other side, safely, and joined Ryan as we sprinted back towards the ravine, our laughter trailing behind us. Mission successful.

Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: Still DRE - Dr. Dre

Hey, homies! Nothing specific to report today. Just thought i'd show off the results of my last month or so of tanning. I know some of you aren't gonna like it but it doesn't matter, cuz i do 8) Check it!



( WORD UP! )

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Hey Young Girl- Lloyd

Wow. Busy weekend. It feels like i haven't sat down since it started. The wedding was beautiful. I never realized how honored i would feel walking my sister down the aisle. But when it got to that point, the significance hit me so hard that i could barely keep the tears out of my eyes. She looked amazing. Honest to God, i've never seen her look more gorgeous. I actually did cry when her and Shaun exchanged their vows. I'm not very emotional but they carried so much sentiment that even I couldn't totally restrain myself. There was like 300 people at the wedding. It was huge. My half sister came down from Philly. We have the same dad (the black guy) but i've never gotten really close with her. I first met her when i was 14 or so. My sister continued a relationship with her, which is why she came up for the wedding. But, suprisingly, her and I became somewhat close over the couple of days i saw her. She's hilarious and her kids (my nephew and niece) are adorable. There was also a bunch of my symbolic relatives from Toronto. Not related by blood but i still think of them as my aunts/uncles because of the role they played in my life when i was younger. Anyways, it was just really nice to see so many people from my childhood. There was 12 speeches that had to be done at the reception and, yes, i had one as well. I'm proud to say that mine was probably the second most moving of them all. I didn't write it or prepare it, i just winged it. I made a lot of people cry and my sister even went so far as to leave the head table to give me a hug. So it was an emotionally charged couple of days. Also, i'm kinda-sorta seeing someone, i guess. I met this girl the other day and it's kinda going down that road, it looks like. I enjoy it but i'm kinda scared. Because i know she's gonna want something serious and i don't know if i want that. It's rough because i want it and i don't. I like her a lot but... on the same note, i don't know if i'm seeing the person i think is gonna go all the way with me. Then again, it's not like anyone else only dates the person they plan on marrying or whatever. I'm so good at understanding myself but right now i'm lost. It's like... i want to spend time with her because i enjoy it. But, on the other hand, i'm scared to spend time with her because i know each time i do is, inevitably, going to lead me to the commitment stage. It's like an inescapable paradox. =/ Anyways, the next few days are probably gonna be somewhat busy, as well, since i let my homework slip this weekend. But hopefully i'll be back in business soon now that the wedding and everything else is taken care of. Hope you guys all had good weekends! Lata <3

Current Mood: confused
Current Music: I'm Fly - Nate, Snoop, and Warren G.

So here's my school update. Well school isn't so bad. But lemme tell you, being in the engineering section of the school fucking sucks. It's all DUDES. And not just any dudes. The nerdiest dudes to ever inhabit the planet. Like at lunch time, they all crash in front of their lockers and play gameboy. My class is no exception. There's this one kid i really hate. He's one of those guys who comes late to every class. But not one of the cool late kids. Like sometimes you have one of those cool late kids. Who shows up late just cuz he's lazy and chill and shit. He'll swagger into the class whenever he feels like it and you can't help but think Damn.... that guy is cool. This guy aint like that, though. He's the type of kid who like is about to walk into class and then looks at his watch and thinks oh shit, i'm gonna be on time! Can't have that! so he books it around the corner and sits there watching his watch until he's at least 5 minutes late. He has nothing else to do. It's not like he's chilling with this friends or smoking a blunt. He just walks in late with this smug little smirk on his face and, swear to god, i wanna crack my fist off in his mouth. Then we got this other kid, David. He's foreign or something and, to be honest, he seems a little slow. The other day we're in programming class and i made this little header and put it on the top of a notepad document for one of our assignments and David leans over and is all "Wow you are good programmer, man!" I'm not sure how he got into the class but i'm not seeing good things in his future </miss>. Anywho, David's name was never on the class list, oddly enough, and the other day we walk into our electronics class and Mr. Sithi is all "David, you have to go talk to the secretary because you're not supposed to be here!" David has this lost look on his face and i kinda felt a little bad for him. Then Mattio (the 40 year old dude, with the beedy eyes and the Mario mustache. I call him Mattio, in my head.) pipes in with "OOOOO David's getting sent to the office haha!" and i'm thinking Honestly, Mattio.... Grow. Up. It gets kinda rough being with dudes for 6 or 7 hours of class, a day. So i've taken to taking detours on my way to class through the medical section of the school. All the hot nurse/dentist chicks mosey around in their multicolored scrubs =X So fine. One day i'm gonna walk in there and be all "Damnnnnnnnnnn! I'm gonna need some mouth to mouth resuscitation in a few seconds here because ya'll ladies are leaving me breathless!" Anywho, that's all for now. I'll update on more as it's uncovered. Have a good weekend, all <3

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: Breath, Stretch, Shake - Mase

First day of school today! Fuck, it was tiring. I only got 4 hours of sleep, my bad. I forgot what it's like to sit in a desk for that long. See, when i go to work, i can get very little sleep and still stay awake because i'm walking around and i'm on my feet and what not. But at school i'm always sitting so i got drowsy by the time my second class had rolled around. =/ My class sucks. There's not one hot chick! In fact, there's like 3 chicks, total, in the whole class. And the dudes are total geeks! There might be like 1 or 2 cool guys in the entire class. =/ The only person who talked to me the whole day was the 40 year old perverted looking dude with the beedy eyes and Mario Bro mustache. Seems pretty rough right now, but i guess once i settle into some kind of routine, it won't be so bad. I hope so, anyways. I'd update on more but i really don't have much to say. If i'm not so exhausted tomorrow, i'll entertain you with stories of various encounters i have during the day <3 Night everyone.

Current Mood: exhausted

So i'm copying everyone else with the random 12 or whatever number of people and the anonymous comments about them. I don't usually do these but, fuck why not.

1. I don't like people like you. I wish i wasn't so nice sometimes or i would straight up tell you what's up. Refrain from the courtesy "how's life's". I know you don't give a fuck and that you're about to unload your problems on me so i can bless you with my advice. I wanna punch you.

2. Shit. I think the reason i adore you so much is because you're such a rarity. You try to front like you're not just an adorable sweetheart but it's pointless. It's evident for everyone to see that your heart is pure as gold. I haven't known you for long but you're already one of my favorite people. You make me smile.

3. I was really feeling your flava, no lie. I felt like it was word is bond between us. But something just wasn't kosher. When i posed that question to you, it was no coincidence. It was a test. You failed. Miserably. Stop trying to be something you're not. Oh and i hate when you post pictures of your rabid dog. It makes me want to throw down and beat your fake asian ass.

4. You seem nice and everything. But, on the real, your very presence reiterates the reason why i update so infrequently. What's the point of making a thoughtful entry if the content is just going to be ignored? You concentrate on ALL the wrong points. Makes me wanna slam my head through the monitor then slit my wrists with the shards.

5. You're an incredible woman. We've known each other for a long ass time. We don't really talk that often but i'd like to think there's a mutual respect between us. It seems like we hold a lot of the same beliefs. Especially on the way people should treat others. I'm not the bitching type, but it's cool that i can holla at you and you'll totally identify with me. I respect your intelligence more than you'll ever know. And it's awesome how you can maintain a balance between that and just being cool. I don't ever get the impression that you're *trying* to be an intellectual. It's just a side of yourself that your very in touch with.

6. You're my hero. You're kind of like an anomally in this shallow internet world. Someone who demands respect without trying to get it or even really desiring it. You're ridiculously intelligent. But the part i love most is how you rarely try to use it to intimidate people. You accept that this is the internet and you're just as happy talking about boobs and getting head as discussing politics and the economy. I don't get the asian cartoon thing but, nevertheless, i'd love to just hang out with you and throw back a couple of beers.

7. I love you and hate you. But the part i hate, i love at the same time. We're so alike. It's funny that i'm having such a hard time writing about you when you should be the easiest. I think it's just that there's so much to say and i don't know where to start. I can't say that i've ever met another girl who i feel less awkward with. Even our silences are more companionable than anything else. You're one of my best friends. And we both know if we lived closer, it'd be a whole other story. I mean, i could easily ramble on for pages about our friendship, but i think we both know how special it is. I know everyone adores you but i like to think that i appreciate you more than they do. But, seriously, stop blowing up my spot. It hurts my heart </3 8. Is it really necessary to post a picture with every entry? No, seriously. If you know this is you, please answer. I just don't get it. I can't scan like one page of my friends list without seeing a picture of you. Sometimes i think i just missed the next page link, but naw. It's just you updating again. Monday to Sunday. Every day. Each post with less substance than the last. Makes me contemplate if a 3 story fall from my balcony would kill me for sure. I hope so. 9. I want you to be my sugar mama. You're rich and it's hot. What's more hot is that you have a nice rack. I'd just like to bury my face in your breasts while you licked chocolate off of my abs. I don't think that's physically possible given the location of my abs and your breasts, but i'd like to try, anyways. On the real, though, you make me feel good about myself. And with you, i know it's genuine so i don't just shrug it off like i do from the majority of others. Much love <3 10. I adore you. I wish you had more confidence in yourself, though. You're a smart girl. I know you come to me sometimes when you need some advice, but i think you already know what to do. We've known each other a long time, now. We don't talk as much as i'd like but i like to know you're doing alright. I really do care about you. 11. Man, we give each other such a hard time. I don't know why we front so bad but i guess it's just that we're both too hardcore to admit that we really respect each other. I miss you, guy. It's hard for me to tell you it straight up because i know you'd just make fun of me. Shit, i'd do the same to you. You're incredibly talented, dude, and i wish you could maintain your good humor for longer periods of time. You think too much. Kinda like me. But i'll always have your back, if you need me. I owe you, afterall ;) 12. You're ridiculously attractive. Like when you post a picture or something, i call my boys over to let them know i'm associated with you. Yah, i'm a loser. Get off. Stop being so hot or something. 13. I don't know what's up with you. I think you take this shit way too seriously. No offense, but these constant beefs you have on here that you feel you have to notify everyone about is lame as fuck. I certainly don't care about stupid scraps you have. In fact, it's gotten to the point where i ignore all your entries, mechanically, without even thinking about it. Not cute. 14. I wish i knew you better. I read all of your entries, even though i don't always comment. Feels like i know you so well even though i've never talked with you one-on-one. I don't know why i've never hit you up. I guess i just figured you already had a shitload of people to talk to and my contribution wasn't necessary. Maybe one day i'll get the opportunity to get a little more intimate with you. 15. Wowwwwww maybe my longest friend who's still around to this date? You're just... wow. It's so hard to describe you because you're like the craziest, most random person i've ever encountered. Back when i was an e-mack i tried hooking up with you so many times. A lot of the times you probably didn't even know i was trying. I'm covert like that. But you always turned me down. =( I know you want it, girl. Why are you in denial? Anyways, you've took me through some pretty rough times. We only talk here and there, now, but i don't think i could ever stop adoring the shit out of you. 16. heh i don't know, dawg. You and i haven't had a lot of serious conversations but you're still my boy. Whenever i like envision a large internet meeting of any sort, i always come rolling in with you. Just cuz you're probably the "coolest" out of all my guy buddies and i know we'd look so pimp if we came in on the scene all chill. 8) 17. If you're life really sucks that bad, just end it. Honestly. Because i knew if my life was as dismal as you make yours out to be, i'd rather be laying face down in a puddle of my own blood as my life slowly seeped away. You make me feel like i'm livin la vida loca over here. K i'm done. Maybe i'll do more later!

Dudes, i finally got my replacement phone for the one i lost, like after a month of being cut off from the outside world. I'm way hyped. Oh and i'm fully registered for school now, and i'll start on September 7. It's gonna be a brutal schedule. School monday to friday then work on the weekends. I'd update more but i gotta go to work in a bit here. Oh here's some pics i took. Enjoy!

( Wanna fight? )

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Hey Young Girl - Lloyd

Sup sup! Well i have a bit to update on, i suppose. First and foremost, i was approved for my student loan, so i should be good to go this September! I'm actually excited to go back to school. Work has become so tedious and redundant. I mean, i'll still work a couple of days a week, but it won't be 40 hours anymore, that's for sure. Second of all, my sister is getting married on September 18th, and i've been informed that i'll have to deliver a speech =/ I mean, i'm not really worried about what i write or anything like that. Expressing my feelings in words has never been an issue for me. But i am a bit nervous about doing so in front of over 300 people, the vast majority of whom i don't know at all. I was a drama student for 6 years so performing has always been something i enjoyed but this scenario is a bit different from that one. I'm also going to be walking my sister down the aisle which i think is pretty special. Since we don't have a dad, the honor went to me as the next male, i suppose. I like my sister's brother in law a lot, though. He's a 25 year old, thick black guy with a huge laugh. He's pure comedy. He's always giving me advice on shit. Like the other day we're cruising downtown to pick up my transcripts and he was all telling me how he handles my sister...

Shaun: But me and your sister, guy, she knows who's in charge. I make sure she knows, nawatimsayin?
Me: Hahahaha yah, i bet.
Shaun: WHAT? You thinking i'm joking with you, guy? Is this jokes?
Me: (struggling not to laugh) No, man. Never.
Shaun: Guy, your sister knows not to mess around with me. I don't take shit. She start gettin' rowdy, i set her back down! You gotta be forceful with these girls, Luc. Can't let 'em push ya around, ya know?
Me: Yeah, i'm sure you really keep my sister in line, bro.
Shaun: You think this is jokes? Check it, i'll show you how it's done.
(he flips open his phone all dramatically and calls my sister) HEY CHANTAL! YEAH! IT'S SHAUN! I'm tired and i've had a long day! Cook me something up and i want a back rub, too, ya heard?!!?...... Naw I... No sorry.... I'm sorry, baby... no, i was just trying to put a front on for Luc.... yah.... i love you.... sorry.
Me: .... now i see how it's done.
Shaun: Shut up.

Yeah, so things have been a bit busy, i guess. With trying to get registered for school in time and wedding preparations and what not. I cut loose this weekend and went clubbing on Saturday, then to a house party on Sunday. I swear, dudes, i'm such a good dancer, now. We were at the club, and this black dude came up to me and Ryan (also a good dancer) and started c-walking with us. I tell you, we straight up owned the joint. Last night i got wasted and messed around with some slut. She gave me a lap dance in front of everyone but i opted out of closing the deal with her. That'd be the worst way to lose my v-card. To some skank rubbing up on every guy there. Even soused out of my mind, my v-card defense mechanisms still kicked in. Kinda makes me feel dirty for making out with her because i know i saw her kissing at least 2 other guys there =/ Ahh well, i guess they all can't be winners. Although, lately it feels like none of them are ever winners. That's life <3 Time for bed!

Current Mood: content
Current Music: Anthony Hamilton - Charlene